Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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