She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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