I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
where does the pee come out of this thing
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
