Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
