Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
