I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
