Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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