I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
