Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
