you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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