whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
