2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
