I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
