I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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