Cold hands, warm shart.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
