in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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