I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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