you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
