beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
