I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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