Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
