And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
