Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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