I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
