I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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