Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
