I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
