I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
