I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
