ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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