thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
