How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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