I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
