i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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