My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
