After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
