I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
