Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
