You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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