It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
