so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
