you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
