i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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