its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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