you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
