Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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