I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
