Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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