It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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