I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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