There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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