and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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