I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
