Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize