Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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