If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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