I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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