They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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