You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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