I must be too annoying 4 u.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
