went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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