ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
