Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
