she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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