That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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